Life After Surrogacy ~ Tiphanie W. | June 2023
When you surf the internet, this is a topic that you don’t really see much. So many people spend a considerable amount of time documenting their journey from the initial thought and application to the birth story. But what I have found is that even for those considering a subsequent journey, there is this time-lapse. A gap in the details. A complete blur of postpartum and what life is like right after surrogacy. I’ve seen maybe one or two post and a blog or two but that’s it…… I am also not big on social media. But the longer I am around, the more I am exposed to. In the last 6 months or so, I’ve connected with so many Gestational Carriers and now it seems this connection is spilling over into the world of surrogacy with Intended Parents too. For those of you who know me, you know, making meaningful connections that can help others is something I absolutely love!
Most recently, I made a post about surrogacy on Juneteenth, as did another one of my fellow surro-sisters from the west coast and different agency. From there, I ended up speaking with a first time surrogate a few days ago who is approximately 3 months postpartum. Which brings me to the point of writing this. She documented her journey through bump pictures and a few sweet details along the way. But what wasn’t documented was what we discussed through direct messages and that was postpartum.
Let’s face it, postpartum can be hard and challenging no matter how beautiful your pregnancy was, or how smooth your delivery was, or no matter how much support have. The reality is, birth is a form of trauma to the body and on top of the huge shift in hormones, postpartum is a tough time. She shared with me that postpartum for her felt “weird” and it’s full of ups and downs that she really wasn’t prepared for. And that’s just it! It is a part of surrogacy that you just aren’t prepared for. But for someone like me, I actually like talking about the gray areas that are uncomfortable or maybe even unexpected. Without these critical conversations around the emotional side of surrogacy, we are sometimes left feeling like we actually shouldn’t be feeling this way. As if surrogacy takes away natural feelings as a woman/ human and leaves us numb to the raw experiences
in our journeys. That concept reflects how naïve we can be without deep discussion.
As I shared with her, I also felt a little “different” after my first journey. It wasn’t bad…..but I honestly didn’t know how to feel either or if what I was feeling was okay to actually feel - if that makes sense. It is indeed a weird feeling when life as you have known it for the last 18 months all of a sudden comes to a halt. The pregnancy is done, the baby is gone, the bump is gone (or for some, it’s on its way out), the emails are little to none, the text, calls, etc. everything just feels gone. So, what’s next? What do you do? I would say regardless of whether you have any interest in a future journey or not, it is absolutely 100% okay to feel not okay for a little while, but don’t allow yourself to stay there. Understand the hormones play a huge role in this. But give yourself some grace – as a matter of fact, give yourself a ton of grace! Love on yourself extra hard during those first couple of days, weeks, months following your journey. Do all the things you so desperately wished you could have done postpartum with your own children. Take those naps, take those peaceful walks, take those long showers and long baths (when medically cleared of course). Take time to reach out and thank all of those who made sacrifices and supported you along your journey such as family, friends, medical staff, agency staff, employers and coworkers because we often forget how much of a role everyone in our lives played so that we could be successful as a surrogate. Spend lots of quality time with your spouse/ significant other and your own children, travel, exercise maybe even set some new goals and desires to give yourself something to work towards if you are the type who doesn’t like to sit idle. You get the point - simply focus on you!
Think of postpartum and life after surrogacy like the feeling we all had coming out of the pandemic lockdown and restrictions. Life returned to “normal” but normal looked a lot different, didn’t it? Well that is us after surrogacy. We are the same, but different! It is the new normal. We have done something huge and it should change your life forever. Surrogacy definitely changed my life! It has changed the way I look at so many things. It has increased my faith! It has created new partnerships, relationships, friendships and bonds with people I couldn’t image ever meeting otherwise. But most importantly, I say this all of the time to
anyone that ask…. surrogacy has indeed humbled me! As I sit here almost 4.5 months following my second journey, I can honestly say that postpartum has been a breeze this time but it is also a situation where you live and you learn. When you know better, you do better I guess. So, tune in to those feelings and emotions, get some rest and give yourself whatever it is you think you need during postpartum – your body will love you for it!
